Tags: head red hair

2 Responses to “Head Red Hair”

1. Electric High says:

   October 9, 2011 at 3:52 am

   I won't be rude and lie to you — the story needs work. A lot of work. The one of the hardest steps a writer can take is asking for others to give an honest critique of their writing, and you've taken that step. That was very brave of you. Now you need to take in what others are saying and work on what they identify. Here are a few of the major points that I advise you fix:

   1. Paragraphs
   It's very difficult to read and follow what's going on in a big block of writing; it gets even harder to understand when dialogue is all on one line. Paragraphs make life easier for the reader. As a general rule, start a new paragraph when you change subject and when a new person starts speaking. For example:
   "Nooo…go away Aubree!" Abby said.
   "Oh, Abbyelle, don't be so mean to your little sister!" Mum said, snapping her fingers in front of Abby's round face with freckles and a head of red hair.
   "Mum, would you bring me some breakfast?" Abby said.

   2. Punctuation of dialogue/thoughts
   On some occasions, you punctuate the speech correctly (e.g. "Gracie, Jim! Good to see you," Bella's mom, Mrs. Johnston, said.). At other times, though, you make some small mistakes. For example: '"Yes. Now go change. Your dressed inappropriatley." Mum said.' There should be a comma between the speech and the tag (by that, I mean 'Mum said'), like so: '"Yes. Now go change. You're dressed inappropriately," Mum said.' Also, thoughts are punctuated like dialogue, with a comma, question mark or exclamation mark separating the thoughts from the tag. For example: 'Unbelieveable. Abby thought.' This should be: 'Unbelievable, Abby thought.' For more information on punctuation and dialogue, see here:
   3. Your vs. You're
   There's a big difference between 'your' and 'you're'. The apostrophe in 'you're' substitutes the letter 'a'. If you lengthen 'you're', you get 'you are'. Here's a general rule to remember: if you can replace the word with 'you are', then use 'you're'. If you can't, then use 'your'. For example: 'Your dressed inappropriately.' Here, you can replace 'your' with 'you are' and the sentence will make sense. Therefore, it should be: 'You're dressed inappropriately.' The same goes for here: 'your 11'. It should be: 'you're 11'. Compare that to this example: 'don't be so mean to your little sister.' If you replaced 'your' with 'you are', the sentence would be: 'don't be so mean to you are little sister.' That doesn't make sense, so 'your' is the correct word.

   4. Dialogue tags
   As I said in point 2, dialogue tags are things like 'I asked' and 'Abby said'. They help the reader to understand who's talking and how they said the dialogue. However, you don't need a tag with every bit of dialogue. Sometimes it's obvious who's talking, especially if there are only two people in the conversation. At other times, you can use actions to show who's speaking. Here's a quick example:
   "No… Go away, Aubree!" Abby said.
   "Oh, Abbyelle, don't be so mean to your little sister!" Mum snapped her fingers in front of Abby's round face.
   Abbey heard her stomach rumble loudly. "Mum, would you bring me some breakfast?"
   In the instance above, you only need one tag ('Abbey said') to show who's speaking; the actions of the characters before and after the dialogue show who's talking in the other two bits of speech.

   5. Point of view
   You begin the chapter in third person (e.g. 'Abby changed into white shorts'), but in the last paragraph you switch to first person (e.g. 'I rolled my eyes'). Choose either first person or third and stick to it; don't mix the two in the same, continuous bit of writing.

   Finally, always run your writing through a spellchecker before asking others to read it. If you don't have Microsoft Word or another word processing programme with a spellchecker, there are plenty of free ones on the internet. That will take care of most of your mistakes.

   Well, I hope that this has helped you! Good luck with your writing
2. wopular says:

   January 11, 2012 at 5:02 am

   Flesh Tone Female Mannequin Head Md-MIMI2 MD-MIMI2, female artistic mannequin head. cartoon style makeup. MD-MIMI2, female artistic mannequin head, red hair with flower on frond head. Female mannequin head with cartoon style makeup. Height: from top to bottom 19″ Circumference: 22″ Fleshtone skin color, makeup with red hair. Rating: (out of reviews) List Price: Price: [...]